Is There Really Life After Childbirth?

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Dear Family,

I realize that I haven’t sent a Christmas letter out since the multiple choice fiasco 20 years ago, but I just want to prepare you for this week’s events.

First of all, it is important to remember what the holidays are about.  Thanksgiving and Christmas are meant to be times of retrospection and acknowledgement of the importance of family and tradition.  It is not a time to be expecting good food and fun gifts.  Although that happens occasionally, this is not one of those years.

While I am looking forward to having everyone over for food and festivities, I don’t want you to be too disappointed.  Things haven’t gone too well this year.  The couch will be covered with piles of dirty clothes scattered amidst stacks of clean clothes.  It is up to you to pick where you want to sit.  The reason the 30 year old TV from upstairs (you know, the one we thought was so big back then) is sitting on a couple of chairs in the living room is that a bulb blew out on the big screen TV we usually watch the football games on.  We have ordered a new bulb and it should be here eventually.  They guaranteed delivery in time for the holidays (we finally read the fine print…they mean Groundhog’s Day).

I didn’t have time to take the dogs in for their holiday makeover.  I managed to shave the back end of one of them, but the other one still looks like a dust mop with static electricity overload.  Try not to step on her.

I tried a new recipe this year for your fudge.  Orange dreamsicle fudge does not taste like the original dreamsicle bars.  I don’t care what they tell you.  Fudge should be chocolate.  Maybe next year.  Remember, it’s the thought that counts.  I don’t think I’ll have time to wrap your gifts either.  That’s not such a big deal, really, it’s kind of a waste to wrap up IOU’s anyway.  In fact, I don’t really have time to write the IOU, so I’ll just tell you now.  IOU a Christmas present.  Maybe next year.  Remember, it’s the thought that counts.   We did manage to get the tree decorated…sort of.  Most of the lights are on, we haven’t put any ornaments on it yet.  The beautiful star with 12 lights that sits on top blew a fuse a couple of nights ago.  It’s still up there, taunting me.  I’m getting better at ignoring it.

All in all, it should be a fun night anyway.  We might sing some Christmas carols.  I’m hoping this cough will have cleared up by then.  Maybe we’ll just watch the dog walk around attracting dustballs.  Or we could always give each other pretend presents.  After all it is the thought that counts.  Excuse me, I have to go now, I have A LOT of thinking to do.